Toeing the Line Part 3 - The Pyramid

————————————————————————————–

The pyramid becomes unbalanced.

————————————————————————————–

Yes, you may pray together, and do devotions together, church, Bible study, and you can talk about anything and everything under the sun. You’re connected deeply through emotions, feelings, conversations. But all of that will quickly turn into a downward spiral if there is no physical bond. This is where a lot of marital problems come into play. There has to be an equal balance of the physical, emotional, and spiritual. As another writer said, the physical connection is a sign that the hearts should also be connected.

————————————————————————————–

I had a couple friends ask me in the past if God was going to break their relationship up because they were doing a lot of physical stuff. (First off, I’m not God, so I can’t answer that 100% for sure if they’ll break up or not). For me, I don’t believe that God is sitting up in heaven waiting to snap His fingers and ruin our lives every time we screw up. Our God is a God of mercy and justice. If a relationship fails, it is not strictly a result of the physical aspect. More often than not there is another issue. The “balance” has been upset. If a couple is solely focused on the physical part of their relationship than the other two areas will begin to fail. This begins a downward spiral of destruction for the couple. I’ve seen it happen, and I’ve had it happen to me. It’s not worth it.

So what do you do when you stub your proverbial toe in the relationship? So you’ve tripped up, and realized you’re in a little too far physically, do you cut out all physical aspects cold turkey? No, that’s probably not a good idea, because then your focus will be on getting that aspect back instead of balancing out the rest. Once you’ve done it, its hard to say no the 2nd and 3rd times around. If you have the lights off, and you stub your toe on the coffee table; do you get rid of the coffee table? Cut off your toe? No, you turn the lights on for next time. Turn on the lights in your relationship! Once you’ve figured out which aspects of your relationship are not up to snuff, be conscious of the fact.Figure out times to talk, times for physical and times for spiritual.

Pray together. Pray for each other.

But one of the worst things you could probably do for your relationship is cut out any and all physical closeness. Its not healthy. Men and women were meant and made to interact. Get comfortable around each other. If you’re looking towards a more permanent relationship (i.e. marriage), then gradually as the wedding day draws nearer, you can increase the amount of physical closeness. But the most important is to BE COMFORTABLE. Not only with your significant other, but with yourself as well. Its a gradual process. It won’t happen overnight. Take time, make it fun. 

————————————————————————————–

Preview Part 4: I heard “Jane” say her fiance told her she couldn’t rub his neck anymore, but especially when they were alone, because he couldn’t handle it. He was going to lose control if she didn’t stop, and they might go too far.” Rubbing his neck would make him lose control? Does he not have any self-control at all?

 Watch for my next one in the series… “Toeing the Line Part 4… Self-Control.”

Toeing the Line Part Two - Stubbing Your Toe

The church and church leaders have ingrained it into young peoples’ minds that the physical aspect of a relationship is a stumbling block. That is, until that magical moment when the “I DOs” have been said, and the rings have been put on. Then its this wonderful time of happiness, love and ecstasy.

FALSE

If it is hounded into us, over and over again for 20 plus years, that physical closeness is a sin. . .

————————————————————————————–

How in the world are we supposed to re-program our minds into thinking its okay on our wedding night?

————————————————————————————–

I have a friend who told me the only thing she and her now-husband did before they got married was hold hands. Worst decision ever she said. It wasn’t necessarily their decision alone, but pressure from their church and family to abstain from any type of physical contact prior to saying “I Do.” During this conversation she said it took them almost a year to feel comfortable with each other, and for physical closeness to be natural. This is NOT how God designed it! Your wedding night is supposed to be fun, enjoyable, exciting, and YES sexual! (If I offend you, I apologize, but this is a fact of life).

The church PARENTS need to be teaching young adults and teens that physical closeness is OK within certain limits, and as long as you keep it in balance. Holding hands is NOT going to make a baby. Hugging is NOT going to make a baby. Get real people.

A wise person once told me that relationships are like pyramids. The relationship is the top point, and the base is formed of three things: physical, emotional, and spiritual. If these three things are not kept in equal balance, the pyramid (relationship) will fall. You cannot have a successful relationship with only two aspects.  Its a stumbling block. It is NOT a stumbling block, unless YOU let it become one.

————————————————————————————–

Check out Part 3 — The Pyramid

Toeing the Line - How Far Is Too Far?

“How far is too far?”

You have to admit it… its the most frequently asked question and hottest topic discussed in Christian circles today.

 

All throughout middle and high school it was hounded into me by my church “do not cross the big black line.” Because once you cross the line, you’ll never be able to go back.

—————————————————–
First off, this post isn’t going to tell you what is and isn’t okay to do in your relationship. It is not going to say where the black line is. I am in no way an expert on relationships or sexual relations.

So here are my ramblings in paragraph form.

—————————————————–

The black line does not exist. You may be thinking, oh my gosh what is she thinking?! False. It doesn’t exist. There is no “BIG BLACK LINE” that fits every single relationship out there. There is a lot of gray areas between being a completely chaste virgin, and having had sex. That “black line” statement, I have discovered, is a ploy that “Christian” leaders use to scare kids into complete chastity. These so-called leaders of the church aren’t teaching their kids how to live in the real world. From what I’ve seen, once these kids come out from under that authority, they go crazy and do everything under the sun (including but not limited to: sex, alcohol, drugs, etc.). I would really like to know if these “Christian leaders” speak from experience, or if they’re just speaking.

My thoughts on the black line in your relationship is this: You need to figure out what your convictions are. Let me go off on a rabbit trail here… by your convictions… I do not mean the guilt that was laid on you growing up by parents, pastors, youth pastors, youth leaders, church. This isn’t what your parents believe, or your pastor, or your friend. I’m talking about what YOU believe. Your beliefs. Your morals. Your convictions. One of my friends gave me some excellent advice last May. She said “in your last year of college, figure out the friendships you want to last; deepen them. Make memories, have fun, and make your faith your own.” That is what I’ve been trying to do since then. Discovering why I believe what I believe. Making my faith my own.

—————————————————–

Each person is different. Each relationship is different. The physical connection in each relationship will have different dimensions, and different levels of attraction. You can’t let other people dictate your relationship. Once you’ve figured out what your line is, you need to discuss this with your significant other. If they don’t respect it, then run. Run hard and fast.

If you’re in a relationship that is heading towards the “long-term aspect”, the “happily ever after part”, the “til death do us part” part; okay, okay. Marriage. Then you definitely need to talk about what is and isn’t okay for you. I had a discussion with one of my friends who has certain things that they will not do, in or out of marriage. If this isn’t discussed prior to saying “I DO;” there are going to be BIG problems. For instance, some people in the more conservative realms believe that oral sex is a sin no matter what. Whether it occurs inside or outside of marriage. If you and your significant other are not on the same page, go see a counselor. Get good pre-marital counseling, get good post-marital counseling. Right Away.

—————————————————–

I know many couples on both sides of this spectrum. Couples who have had pre-marital sex, couples who waited for everything, couples who explored the gray areas. Most of them have lasting relationship that I believe will succeed in the long-term.

Another false-hood that young people believe today is that physical intimacy will be a stumbling block. Or that it will ruin their relationship. Its true, there is a fine balance that, if not properly kept, will most likely ruin a relationship. However, physical intimacy is not the problem, there are other underlying issues causing the relationship to fail.

~ Coming soon… Toeing the Line Part Two – Stubbing Your Toe ~

I've Moved!

Due to formatting and social networking I've moved to http://dancinginhisgrace.wordpress.com/
Come visit me!

Coffee with a Prostitute

We tell the world that Salvation is something that costs you nothing, and promises everything. But in reality, true salvation, will cost you everything.

There’s a woman in the Bible, who risked everything, including her life, for just one moment with a very important man. Some day I want to have coffee with her in Heaven. And yes, there will be coffee in Heaven because, well, the Bible says He brews it. Go ahead and say it, I’m pathetic. But you laughed, didn’t you?

You may be thinking, “oh she wants to meet Esther, or maybe Ruth, possibly even Mary sister of Lazarus.”

Wrong on all accounts.

I want to meet the prostitute in Luke 7. 

This woman was a “woman of the night,” a harlot, a prostitute. She sold her body to make a living. She was a woman that no one, at least no “good people” would talk to or associate with. Also in those days, people did not bathe once a  day like we do, maybe not even every week. And because of that, around this woman’s neck would hang a vial of perfume. This perfume would be used to overpower the body odor that I’m sure everyone had. She would most likely use a single drop at a time because it was such a precious commodity to have perfume. That was part of her livelihood. She would also use her hair as an eye-catcher. Women’s hair was supposed to be covered, up, and reserved only for her husband. However, this woman used her hair to work her whiles on the men.

To set up another scene, Jesus is at the house of Simon, and Simon had not offered to wash his feet. It was customary in those days that a guest, such as the rabbi Jesus, would have their feet washed. If it was an honored guest, the host would wash the person’s feet themselves. Picture walking all day in hot, dry, sand. Its probably been dusty, you’re starting to sweat, and now its stuck to your feet.  Oh, did I mention you were also wearing leather sandals or are barefoot? I think your feet would need washed… Well, after being snubbed by Simon; Jesus and the fellow guests reclined at the table, which meant they were laying on their side, propped up by an elbow. Therefore, the guests’ feet were probably touching at some point. Jesus’ feet were not washed, Simon snubbed him and didn’t wash Christ’s feet. Imagine if all the men’s feet were dirty, or just a few were clean? Simon didn’t wash Jesus’ feet. 

In the moments leading up to this dinner at Simon’s house, something touched this woman. Something, or someone, touched her so much that she was moved to tears. She then went into the dinner uninvited and stood over Jesus. Now not only was this uninvited interruption a huge offense, but because she was lower in class than Jesus, standing above Him at his feet was another sign of disrespect. In today’s culture, what she did would be called obscene. 

The woman was weeping, in fact, she was weeping so much that her tears were washing His feet. She was cleansing the Lord’s feet with her tears. I cannot even fathom this. I cry, not many people see me cry, but I do. I’m not made of stone. But to wash two feet? That’s a lot of tears. She then took her unbound hair (another obscene offense) and began to wipe His feet and clean them. Hair was a woman’s mark of beauty, and worthiness. It was not cut, and never seen by anyone except her husband. She let her hair down and then dried Christ’s feet with her crown of beauty. 

But here comes the best part.

She took that special vial of perfume, the one that she used maybe one drop per man that she serviced, and used the entire vial on Christ’s feet. Then, she prostrated herself on the floor, in front of an entire room of people, and began to kiss the Lord’s feet. She didn’t just use oil, she used perfume, expensive perfume. She was so desperate to show her affection that she risked death for a chance with the Lord Jesus.

Now Simon, he was not very happy with this harlot crashing his dinner party, but Jesus began to tell the parable of the two men who owed money. Their debts were forgiven, who loved the moneylender more? The one with the most debt forgiven. So Jesus, turning toward the woman, said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume. Her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.”  

Sometimes I think the more people mess up, and realize that God forgives them, the more power they have in reaching people with the true love of God. I know I’ve been forgiven of things, and for me, its given me a special love for people in similar situations. I’m able to talk to them, without judging. I’m able to love them, without stipulations. I want them to know the same forgiveness I have known. I want them to know the loving God who I know and love for myself.

This woman’s faith, almost cost her everything. She could have been stoned for what she did. But, Christ forgave her for everything. She left that house, and was totally forgiven, but she had been willing to give up everything for a moment with Christ. Everyone may say “Salvation is a free gift, you don’t have to do anything!!” And no, we do not have to DO anything to receive salvation. It is a free gift. But once we have that gift, kind of like a new baby, it is going to cost us everything we have.

So while I do want to meet Esther, and Ruth and many other people in history.

 I really can’t wait to have coffee with a prostitute. 

Truth or Lie?

I'm asking YOU for feedback... ALWAYS tell the truth no matter what? Or is it ok to lie sometimes? Like when the lie is for the benefit of another person?

Leave a comment, tweet me, or facebook message me.

Live Like Christ, Love Like Christ

I’ve been musing about this for the past few days while catching up with friends at school. In the past 7 days I have heard it all. From engagement stories, to weddings, to break-ups, fights with friends, parents, in-laws. Just about everything.
The biggest thing that stood out to me though is that very few of my friends were loving like Christ loved when He was on earth, and how He still loves now.
There was no condemnation behind His love.
There was no judgement behind His love.
There was no ridicule behind His love.
Did Jesus judge? Of course He did; just one example is when He judged the Pharisee’s and Scribes who wouldn’t admit they were sinners. But He is perfect, He is omniscient, He is omnipotent, He is omnipresent, He is God. He had the right to judge.
I am a lowly senior in nursing school. Have I had experience in certain aspects of life – yes. However, that does not give me the right to judge other people in the way they live their life. When I think people are in the wrong, do I tell them? Sometimes… it really depends on the situation and how close I am to them.
I don’t agree with the lifestyle of every one of my friends; some are on the more conservative side, some are on the far opposite side. Do I love them all – YES. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without those friends in my life.
But someday each and every one of us will answer to God for the decisions we made throughout our life. It is His job to judge us. If we are Christians, thank the good Lord for forgiveness and we will be rejoicing in Heaven with Him.
We, as humans, have taken the liberty of allowing “Christianity” to entitle us to judge and condemn others for the decisions they make. This is where Christians gain a bad name; and quite honestly, Christianity is losing its beauty. True Christians should mimic the love of Christ. Jesus was a servant, He loved everyone, He had compassion, He listened to people, and He helped them.
It is impossible for us to have love that is unbiased, and isn’t skewed in some way. But it is possible for us to try and love like Christ did. When we ourselves realize the great sacrifice He made for us, such lowly sinners, we realize we’re no better than anyone else in the world.