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The pyramid becomes unbalanced.
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Yes, you may pray together, and do
devotions together, church, Bible study, and you can talk about anything
and everything under the sun. You’re connected deeply through emotions,
feelings, conversations. But all of that will quickly turn into a
downward spiral if there is no physical bond. This is where a lot of
marital problems come into play. There has to be an equal balance of the
physical, emotional, and spiritual. As another writer said, the
physical connection is a sign that the hearts should also be connected.
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I had a couple friends ask me in the past
if God was going to break their relationship up because they were doing a
lot of physical stuff. (First off, I’m not God, so I can’t answer that
100% for sure if they’ll break up or not). For me, I don’t believe that
God is sitting up in heaven waiting to snap His fingers and ruin our
lives every time we screw up. Our God is a God of mercy and justice. If a
relationship fails, it is not strictly a result of the physical aspect.
More often than not there is another issue. The “balance” has been
upset. If a couple is solely focused on the physical part of their
relationship than the other two areas will begin to fail. This begins a
downward spiral of destruction for the couple. I’ve seen it happen, and
I’ve had it happen to me. It’s not worth it.
So what do you do when you stub your
proverbial toe in the relationship? So you’ve tripped up, and realized
you’re in a little too far physically, do you cut out all physical
aspects cold turkey? No, that’s probably not a good idea, because then
your focus will be on getting that aspect back instead of balancing out
the rest. Once you’ve done it, its hard to say no the 2nd and 3rd times
around. If you have the lights off, and you stub your toe on the coffee
table; do you get rid of the coffee table? Cut off your toe? No, you
turn the lights on for next time. Turn on the lights in your relationship! Once
you’ve figured out which aspects of your relationship are not up to
snuff, be conscious of the fact.Figure out times to talk, times for
physical and times for spiritual.
Pray together. Pray for each other.
But one of the worst things you could
probably do for your relationship is cut out any and all physical
closeness. Its not healthy. Men and women were meant and made to
interact. Get comfortable around each other. If you’re looking towards a
more permanent relationship (i.e. marriage), then gradually as the
wedding day draws nearer, you can increase the amount of physical
closeness. But the most important is to BE COMFORTABLE.
Not only with your significant other, but with yourself as well. Its a
gradual process. It won’t happen overnight. Take time, make it fun.
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Preview Part 4: I heard
“Jane” say her fiance told her she couldn’t rub his neck anymore, but
especially when they were alone, because he couldn’t handle it. He was
going to lose control if she didn’t stop, and they might go too far.”
Rubbing his neck would make him lose control? Does he not have any
self-control at all?
Watch for my next one in the series… “Toeing the Line Part 4… Self-Control.”
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