Toeing the Line - How Far Is Too Far?

“How far is too far?”

You have to admit it… its the most frequently asked question and hottest topic discussed in Christian circles today.

 

All throughout middle and high school it was hounded into me by my church “do not cross the big black line.” Because once you cross the line, you’ll never be able to go back.

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First off, this post isn’t going to tell you what is and isn’t okay to do in your relationship. It is not going to say where the black line is. I am in no way an expert on relationships or sexual relations.

So here are my ramblings in paragraph form.

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The black line does not exist. You may be thinking, oh my gosh what is she thinking?! False. It doesn’t exist. There is no “BIG BLACK LINE” that fits every single relationship out there. There is a lot of gray areas between being a completely chaste virgin, and having had sex. That “black line” statement, I have discovered, is a ploy that “Christian” leaders use to scare kids into complete chastity. These so-called leaders of the church aren’t teaching their kids how to live in the real world. From what I’ve seen, once these kids come out from under that authority, they go crazy and do everything under the sun (including but not limited to: sex, alcohol, drugs, etc.). I would really like to know if these “Christian leaders” speak from experience, or if they’re just speaking.

My thoughts on the black line in your relationship is this: You need to figure out what your convictions are. Let me go off on a rabbit trail here… by your convictions… I do not mean the guilt that was laid on you growing up by parents, pastors, youth pastors, youth leaders, church. This isn’t what your parents believe, or your pastor, or your friend. I’m talking about what YOU believe. Your beliefs. Your morals. Your convictions. One of my friends gave me some excellent advice last May. She said “in your last year of college, figure out the friendships you want to last; deepen them. Make memories, have fun, and make your faith your own.” That is what I’ve been trying to do since then. Discovering why I believe what I believe. Making my faith my own.

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Each person is different. Each relationship is different. The physical connection in each relationship will have different dimensions, and different levels of attraction. You can’t let other people dictate your relationship. Once you’ve figured out what your line is, you need to discuss this with your significant other. If they don’t respect it, then run. Run hard and fast.

If you’re in a relationship that is heading towards the “long-term aspect”, the “happily ever after part”, the “til death do us part” part; okay, okay. Marriage. Then you definitely need to talk about what is and isn’t okay for you. I had a discussion with one of my friends who has certain things that they will not do, in or out of marriage. If this isn’t discussed prior to saying “I DO;” there are going to be BIG problems. For instance, some people in the more conservative realms believe that oral sex is a sin no matter what. Whether it occurs inside or outside of marriage. If you and your significant other are not on the same page, go see a counselor. Get good pre-marital counseling, get good post-marital counseling. Right Away.

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I know many couples on both sides of this spectrum. Couples who have had pre-marital sex, couples who waited for everything, couples who explored the gray areas. Most of them have lasting relationship that I believe will succeed in the long-term.

Another false-hood that young people believe today is that physical intimacy will be a stumbling block. Or that it will ruin their relationship. Its true, there is a fine balance that, if not properly kept, will most likely ruin a relationship. However, physical intimacy is not the problem, there are other underlying issues causing the relationship to fail.

~ Coming soon… Toeing the Line Part Two – Stubbing Your Toe ~