Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

I guess you could say this is going to be a random blog post with my ramblings while I'm sitting at work. A reflection over the past year I suppose...

This was the hardest most difficult year I've ever been through to say the least. It challenged me physically, emotionally, mentally, academically, and spiritually. I've grown so much this past year though, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've met some amazing people, lost some people, and made some pretty legit new friends.

In August of 2011 I arrived back at school after vacation.... ready to dive right in to Junior year of nursing school. I was taking a peds class and doing clinicals in Richmond, VA at St. Mary's Hospital. I fell in love with the hospital and the people that work there. Potential job possibility? Maybe. I survived first semester by the skin of my teeth. That was academically. Emotionally and mentally I went through a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Like I said... one of the hardest years I've ever been though. During that semester, I asked myself the question... Do you really fall in and out of love? Or does that love simply change? I'm still not sure if I know the answer to that question... if you've got any insight I'd love to hear it.

Because of some new friends that I made, I was able to try new things, see more of Lynchburg than I ever knew existed, and actually begin to feel like a college kid that got to have fun. So thank you, if you took part in any of those things. You know who you are, there are too many people to name.



Over Christmas break, I worked a crazy ton of hours. I think my last tally was 110 hours in 3 weeks. I did night shift, early morning shift, and anything in between. Now that I look back, I was nuts. But I loved it. I got to spend time with my family, and my little man, Ross. It never gets easier saying goodbye, but coming home is just that much sweeter because of him.

I got to spend a day in D.C. with a good friend, cooking, freezing our tails off walking around the city, and walking along the water in some sketch location. For about the course of a few days after I got home, I swear my life became a sit-com. The movie title 50 First Dates comes to mind... I'm not sure why though because I definitely didn't go on 50 dates!!! So many awkward stories and things happened, I can't even begin to tell. Some funny stories about old people and them trying to match-make come to mind.

96 year old lady: "Do you have any kids?"
Me: "Ummm no, I think I should probably have a boyfriend before that thought process happens."
96 year old lady: "Hmmph. You should get on that. My wheelchair van driver is single..."
He arrives and is like 30 something with a beer belly and balding... NO THANKS.

Coming back for second semester... I got to spend an entire week with my best friend taking a New Testament intensive. What a BLAST. We hung out with some pretty cool people, and had a ton of fun packed into the week before actual classes started. I also began my 2nd job that week, working with an elderly lady who has Alzheimer's disease. A challenge, but so rewarding. The semester started off with a bang, jumping right into clinicals in the Emergency Department where I fell in love with it!!! Had some crazy cool experiences with patients, level one traumas, and meeting some really awesome people, and also finding out some bad news during one of those clinicals. One of the lady's I did my CSER with for over a year had passed away... becasue of this news I got to feel the love and encouragement from my clinical group. Bonding with my clinical group was one of the best things ever. 

During this semester... somewhere right after Christmas... I got the brilliant idea to kill myself and graduate early. I was working two jobs, taking 17 credits, and was going insane. Everything was falling into place for me to graduate in December of 2012, 6 months early. I would have completed the nursing program in 3.5 years without transferring any credits in. Right before Spring Break some people walked into my life and some people walked out. Those people have become very dear to me, and have forever changed my life, the other people, are missing out. Spring Bring was an awesome experience with a road trip down to Florida with 4 amazing girls. We had such a blast, met some really neat people, and were completely sun-burnt and exhausted when we returned.

After Spring break, school returned to a semblance of normalcy, if you can call Nursing school "normal." I started long-boarding again, wrecked up a few times, but had a ton of fun. I've figured out I need to learn to carve... which basically means turn. I've got the scars to prove that I'm working on it. I pulled the first all-nighter of my college career. NEVER AGAIN. I say that now.... but it'll probably happen again. We sat and talked in a church breezeway, had a glow stick war, made and drank 3 pots of coffee, had homemade pancakes at 5am, then stayed up to be at work by 8am the next morning. It was exhausting, but I got to know a very special person a lot better that night, which made it all worth it, and I got coffee and a muffin out of the deal the next morning.

Next on the list was the SGA election for Student Body President and VP. I had such a fun time campaigning... even though it was early mornings... late nights... and no naps! Everyone's hard work paid off, and Chad & Josh won the election.



Since then, end of year tests are done, finals have come and gone, but God has gotten me through. I have moved 3 times this semester, and I'll be moving again in the next two weeks hopefully. I'm venturing out and trying something new, I'll be living on my own, in MY apartment. Scary, intimidating, terrifying, exhilarating, and exciting. I'm having so much fun planning out room arrangements and decorations. I sign the lease hopefully this coming week. On another note, over the past week or two I've been having second thoughts about graduating early. Was it really worth it? Would I miss out on my last year of college? All sorts of questions were running through my mind. I started taking it to God in prayer. I told him he'd have to make it really obvious if I wasn't supposed to graduate in December, because all the plans had been made. My schedule was chosen, classes were paid for, and everything was lined up. BUT God had other plans. As of right now I will be finishing nursing school in May of 2013 like I originally planned. And I'm ok with that, because its what God clearly showed me I'm supposed to be doing. He's going to use me right here in Lynchburg, and then I'll start off my career and the rest of my life on May 11, of 2013.

I'm excited to see who God is going to bring into my life in this next year. Which people will walk in, and which people will walk out of my life. The relationships I have right now with people, will they grow? Will they remain as they are? Will they turn into something more? I don't know, but He does. More importantly I'm excited to see how my relationship with Christ will grow and change.

I don't know what the future holds... but I know Who holds MY future.

Waiting on God - Day 8

Read: Psalm 27

Word of God Speak  

I think this song goes well with v. 1-6 of this passage. It immediately came to mind this morning as I was reading.



Challenge: What kind of fears and doubts prevent believers from waiting on God? 

In the devotional series, the focus today was waiting on God by being strong and of good courage. Having the faith and the trust to place everything in God's hands and allow Him to work. For a little background story; I love visiting new churches. I love the different types of worship that goes on, the various types of music, and the preaching styles of different pastors. One particular week, a friend and I visited a Wednesday evening Bible study at a church. I had been there twice for regular services and wasn't impressed, but decided to try this Bible study. During the video message, it was made abundantly clear that one must give your whole self to God, but the man also said that if you give certain idols over to God, its a once and done thing. You give it to God and you never have to struggle with it again. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm human, and one of my faults is I like being in control. This poses a problem when I "give something to God." Do I trust Him? Yes, I do. But even so, I still feel like I'm an Indian Giver sometimes. I give, and then I take back, I give, and then I take back.

Back to the church. At the end of the video, we broke off into smaller groups of about 8-10 people. This was supposed to be a young adult class, but in reality it was a wacked out group of "single" people from 35-65+ years old. It was quite awkward since my friend and I were the only two people under the age of 30 in the room. During the little break-out session, we were supposed to talk about things that we've given over to God. Two or three people in my group shared saying they had give over these huge problems or idols in their life and they've never had to worry about them since. I was sitting there thinking, "holy cow, teach me!" I knew my turn was coming to share, and if I don't know people, I don't like sharing my personal struggles with them. So I simply said, being in college and paying for it myself, money and bills are things that I have trouble giving up control of. And then I admitted that while I've given it to God, sometimes I'll catch myself "taking it back" and worrying about it again, so I stop and pray and give it right back to God. A few of the "older" people of the group then proceeded to tell me that I wasn't trusting God enough and that I have a huge problem because I don't allow Him control over my finances. They said I need to sit back, relax and let God provide.

Is that wrong? Am I sinning because I don't trust God enough? Is it wrong that I have two jobs to pay for school and I'm not just sitting around letting God drop money into my lap?

Maybe I have a warped view of God providing. But I also think that God rewards those who work hard and honor Him in their every day lives. There are countless times when I have seen God work in my life, and seen how He provides for everything I need. Two jobs and nursing school doesn't really leave extra time for things, especially overtime hours. But there have been numerous occasions when I am down to the last minute on paying a bill, and somehow I have a few extra hours at work that week and I get paid just a little more than the bill amount. Or, I have needed something, like a bed last month, and because the guy accidentally sold mine, I got an $800 bed within my price range for $200. Because I was actively looking for a bed, and bargaining, and searching for deals; does that mean I don't trust God? No, I believe God gave me the brain and the money skills to be a good steward of my money. This means bargaining, sales shopping, and comparing prices. Do I trust God? Of course.

God provides... even a bed.

Waiting on God - Day 7

Read: Psalm 25:21

"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You."

Integrity: noun

1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition

Do you walk in integrity? Even when no one else is watching, and no one else will ever find out, do you make the right choices? 
I know every single person struggles with this... no one is perfect. One of the ways that I have dealt with making the right choices is to battle it with Scripture. Kind of like what Jesus did when Satan tempted Him. The hard part about this is you have to memorize Scripture; if you're good at memorizing - Great! If not, then take it one day at a time. Keep sticky notes with verses in different books, and places around your house. Put them on the bathroom mirror!
Have a friend or mentor pray for you. Its hard, you don't have to be on your own!   


Challenge: Make the right choice, even when no one else will know.

Waiting on God - Day 4

Read: Psalm 145

 The focus of the passage is waiting on God for supplies. He supplies all we need, not necessarily all we want. I think many people forget that when they ask God for things. He sees the big picture, He knows the future, He knows what we need.
Whenever I hear of God supplying our needs, I immediately think of an army waiting for the necessary equipment required to complete their mission. They cannot complete the mission unless they have the needed supplies, so they wait.
We wait on God to supply us with the necessary "supplies" in life so that we can complete our "mission" here on Earth.

Challenge: How much time do you spend on your needs rather than focusing on God? 
When we wait in quiet peace, we hear that still small voice. If we're constantly focusing on our own needs, and more often than not, our own wants, we sometimes miss His voice. I'm not saying it isn't okay to pray and ask God for things, but He has already promised to supply our needs, so why not take more time focusing on Him.

The Lord keeps all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
And all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever.
v. 20-21

Waiting on God - Day 1

To start out this blog post series, I'll give you a little background. I'm doing a 31 day devotional challenge in a series called Waiting on God by Andrew Murray. The devotional parts are written by Jeff and Brigitte Ritchey. Over the next 31 days I will try to post the devotional every day, but because I'm not always at a computer every day they might come one or two at a time. I'm hoping to be able to go back through these at the end and see how much I've learned throughout the challenge. I also hope that you as a reader will learn something as well.

Day 1
Read: Psalm 62

This is one of my favorite chapters in the Old Testament. It continuously reminds me that God is in control. He is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be greatly shaken. 

At one point in the devotional portion for today the author says,

"Waiting becomes the only way to experience a full salvation, the only way, truly, to know God as the God of our salvation."  

 At first I was taken aback. Salvation does not depend on me waiting. Salvation is a gift. But then I read the statement again, and again, and again. I didn't get it. So I reread the entire paragraph; once, twice, three times. It finally hit me. The author isn't saying that  if we don't wait we are not saved. The author is saying that by taking things into our own hands over and over again, we are not trusting God and His perfect plan; therefore, we do not experience the full benefit of our salvation. If you don't trust someone, how can you have a real relationship with that person? Taking things into our own hands is saying that we don't trust God. If we can't trust God, the Perfect One, the Creator of the world, who can we trust? 

Challenge: Type your definition of what it means to wait on God. 
I feel like most people, when they hear "just wait on God" automatically think that they need to put their lives on hold. Just sit around and wait for God to drop it in your lap. I've found this is especially true with relationships, and jobs. I'm waiting for God to bring me the right person, or to give me the right job; and they complain that they have to wait so long. But those same people are not doing anything about their situation. How are you going to find "the one" (I don't believe in 'the one') when you're sitting on your duff and not going out? How are you going to get the perfect job - if you're not even applying for any jobs? Don't miss out on life, experiences, and relationships because you're "waiting on God." I don't believe that is what it means. 


Waiting on God means trusting Him to bring the right person, or job, or experience into your life at the right time no matter what. By sitting back and 'waiting' for everything to happen, that's almost like saying 'God can't bring the job or the person into my life unless I'm sitting right here.' No matter where you are, or what you're doing, if you're trusting God, and following His will, THAT is waiting on God. If you say you're trusting God, but then not living your life, you're really putting limits on what you think God can do. Of course don't make rash decisions. Pray, Pray, Pray. But as my mom always tells me...

Keep going through the doors until God shuts one.
Then find the new door that He has opened,
And Walk Through.